Many of you have no doubt noticed that there haven’t been any new Boobs and Dicks comic strips for the last two weeks. Let me assure you that I have not taken another trip to the Florida Keys, nor have I abandoned my weekly excursions to the Boobs and Dicks Universe. The reason for the failure to produce comic strips in recent weeks is simpler and more sinister: the boobs and dicks have carried out an act of SABOTAGE on my mode of production.
I began Monday, June 23rd, 2012, like any other day. Stepping out onto my balcony with a pack of cigarettes and a pot of café Cubano, I was perusing the day’s news headlines looking for new evidence of the boobs and dicks in our world, Reality Prime. That was when I noticed some small wisps of white smoke wafting in the morning air. Instinctively, I raised the cigarette in my hand to my lips in order to draw in a smooth, calming, cancer-causing lungful of air. But, much to my surprise, I found the cigarette unlit. Another wafting wisp of smoke caught my eye, looking as though it came from over the edge of my balcony. I raised my computer from my lap, stood up, and leaned forward hoping to discover the source of this white smoke. It was then that I noticed it was not coming from down on the street. The smoke was pouring out of the back of my computer!
There was a sizzle and a crack, and then the screen went black, and my computer, my companion, and my tool for converting comic strips to their digital form was as dead as a doornail.
Now, the sudden tragic death of a compute is not, in and of itself, enough implicate the boobs and dicks as the active perpetrators of a heinous act. Computers and mechanical devices die unexpectedly all the time for any number of reasons. Still, in the back of my mind, as I mourned the loss of my computer throughout the day, knowing full well that I did not have enough money to replace it, I could not help but suspect foul play.
My suspicions were confirmed at dinner. As I sat down and began eating my last box of Value Time Mac & Cheese, I noticed some black specks in my meal that did not look like black pepper. Upon further inspection, I discovered that my delicious meal was infested with tiny, dead, black bugs!
It was then that I knew the boobs and dicks had been in my apartment and were actively carrying out viscous acts of sabotage. They had attacked my computer, the main tool I use to produce comic strips exposing their existence and their plot to take over Reality Prime. And they had polluted my meal, my source of sustenance. Like an old Sicilian message, the meaning they meant to convey through these acts was clear: “Just like we’re doing with your world, Reality Prime, we are going to destroy you, body and mind.”
It was a cold, calculated message stemming from cruel acts of aggression, acts of sabotage carried out by creatures from a strange, foreign plane of existence that somehow still resembles our world in ways that are only explainable when I accept the fact that the boobs and dick are all around us, bent on taking over and dominating our lives. However, as horrified as I am by these blatant acts of aggression, I am not deterred. The undeniable presence of a legion of boobs and dicks influencing our world makes my work to document their movements and actions all the more imperative, providing the residents of Reality Prime the knowledge they need to both understand their inexplicable nature and to recognize the boobs and dicks in our world when we encounter them so that we, human beings, might be able to thwart their planned takeover of our plane of existence. The loss of my computer and all the legally questionable programs I use to create it Is only a minor setback.
Within the next few weeks, I shall resume my work with new and better tools to help me keep you informed. But be wary, my fellow residents of Reality Prime: the boobs and dicks are living among us, and they are growing more aggressive. Take heed of my warning, dear readers, and do whatever it takes to arm yourselves against them!